Freedom ! How far !

That reminds me of the famous saying  "I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves”.

There is a famous story that goes like this. A man, a great man, a fighter for freedom was traveling in the mountains. He stayed in a caravanserai for the night. He was amazed that in the caravanserai there was a beautiful parrot in a golden cage, continually repeating "Freedom! Freedom!" And it was such a place that when the parrot repeated the word "Freedom!" it would go on echoing in the valleys, in the mountains.

The man thought: "I have seen many parrots, and I have thought they must want to be free from those cages... but I have never seen such a parrot whose whole day, from the morning to the evening when he goes to sleep, is spent in calling out for freedom." He had an idea. In the middle of the night, when the owner was fast asleep, he got up and opened the door of the cage. He whispered to the parrot, "Now get out."

But he was very surprised that the parrot was clinging to the bars of the cage. He said to him again and again, "Have you forgotten about freedom? Just get out! The door is open and the owner is fast asleep; nobody will ever know. You just fly into the sky; the whole sky is yours."

But the parrot was clinging so deeply, so hard, that the man said, "What is the matter? Are you mad?" He tried to take the parrot out with his own hands, but the parrot started pecking at him, and at the same time he was shouting "Freedom! Freedom!" The valleys in the night echoed and re-echoed, but the man was also stubborn; he was a freedom fighter.

He pulled the parrot out and threw him into the sky; and he was very satisfied, although his hand was hurt. The parrot had attacked him as forcefully as he could, but the man was immensely satisfied that he had made a soul free. He went to sleep. In the morning, as the man was waking up, he heard the parrot shouting, "Freedom! Freedom!" He thought perhaps the parrot must be sitting on a tree or on a rock. But when he came out, the parrot was sitting in the cage. The door was open.

We often speak and debate about freedom. However, when the freedom is ensured, how often do we use that! Freedom may mean different to different people based on the circumstances. Since in the modern times, absolute freedom is negated, freedom often is accompanied by responsibility.

Most of the times freedom scares us due to the accountability that imposes on us. We are not free to do whatever we want in a civil society. We have freedom of thought. However, we don’t have freedom of action, expression, in its absolute sense. So, within the gamut of the freedom that we have we have to be accountable and responsible.

This could represent our journeys to being saved/trying to save others. We say we want to be saved ("free") but when opportunities are presenting themselves, we turn away. Also, it shows we cannot force people to be "free" (saved) or they will cling to their cages. They have to want it.

Irrespective of our social, financial, economic, political and religious status, everyone needs freedom. It’s said man is born free but surrounded by shackles. Even if we can come out of those shackles, one may prefer not to. One may get into the comfort of that shackles. That’s why freedom differs from one another. Freedom is precious. Though we say, everyone likes to be free, that’s questionable again. Free to what extent? For each that extent may free.

Modern days have made us pledge our freedom in bargain to security. We have let go our privacy too sometimes to the general security of the masses or to our own security. In a civil society that’s essential to lead a peaceful society. Indeed today, we have a large set of people raising their concerns against curbing of freedom and privacy in the name of national interest, since this has been used as a weapon to monitor citizens at large.

We have to be conscious of what we are bargaining to let go off our freedom. If the bargain is in our favor or to accomplish someone’s ulterior motive is the biggest determination in the negotiation of freedom. 

Angles fly because they take themselves lightly

Let’s talk about the well-known – five principle. This is not our regular – 5 questions to analyze the root cause. This is a different question 5 principle. Whenever you face a difficult problem, the tough times are making it harder, you are in emotional conundrum, ask the famous 5 question – Does this matter in 5 years? Simple, that would resolve your issue to a certain extent.

We are overburdened with emotional stress. Everyone goes through that phase. When you are living with people or living away from people, emotions tend to burst out, there would be emotional overload. We don’t have to figure out everything in life. At times, it’s ok to take a step back or go away.

Most of the times, our problems can be attributed to our imagination of those problems. Overthinking makes it stressful and painful. The real problem in front of us may be really being that severe. However, due to overthinking about the same, may cause more pain. Problems are often faced by humans. But, we need to question ourselves, ‘if we are going to make that as a hindrance’ to take a step forward.

Life is not perfect. However, none of us are getting out of it alive too. So, let’s not be so hard and harsh on our own selves. That’s why we have to take ourselves lightly to move further and forward in life. If it doesn’t matter it in five years, don’t waste your precious time on budging on the same issue. Rather invest in your time in what you can change from what you cannot move.

Things change, people change, and time too changes. Whenever you are amidst difficulty, just quote that famous Shakespearean line- ‘this too shall pass’! Well, I often remind myself of this line, whenever I have to tread through traffic. 5 minutes, 5 hours or 5 years, it too shall pass. We say time heals. Time won’t heal in itself. It’s your memories that would heal. Replace bad memories with good ones. Negatives to positives. Make changes in your own self. That would change.

If you keep on dwelling the same problem or instance, incident, you may miss the present. So, live in present with the learning of the past making your time for the future. We should stop taking everything so seriously. Make time to laugh every once in a while, enjoy life and not worry all the time. Avoid worries that would weigh you down unnecessarily. Once we tend to be this way we may tread a path that’s beyond our expectations. If we act as if the entire world problem is burdened upon us, we may not have the time to appreciate life’s beauty, good things, and love around us.

If it doesn’t matter in the long run, then better not waste your time on the same. We should often make time to stand and stare while busy being the spectators of an ongoing life. Memories fade, things pass by, and circumstances disappear. It’s just the happiness that you have enjoyed and experienced, that’s the only things that are going to stay with you. Take yourself lightly and fly high in the sky! 

Roast !

Roast

Let’s start this with a guess the movie! Guess the movie. Well, and this is how Mr. Shah enacts Titanic. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s Mr. Shah for you. He is someone who thinks dumb charades is playing dumb. Friends come and go but Mr. Shah doesn’t.  Mr. Shah is a keeper that way!

 Mr. Shah  is a popular Two and Half man in his friends circle. No, I am not going to talk about sex religion and politics, but Mr. Shah’s attention span. He can’t and won’t and doesn’t pay attention to any topic for more than 2 and half minutes. He is a typical Table Topic Material, you speak beyond 2.30 minutes, you’re disqualified and out of his league. The only person who’s capable of holding his attention for more than two minutes is the neighborhood fish vendor.  When the world was behind Pokémon and searching for him, Mr. Shah was in search of the Salmon, the fish!  Mr. Shah, he is like Bermuda triangle, the information goes in and it’s never found again. One every weekend, he tries to visit new places to check his WhatsApp messages He is so addicted to his WhatsApp messages; he may unplug your life-support to charge his phone. He can irritate to the extent you get irritated and suddenly he can change the topic. He has this ability of inviting people to meet up and check WhatsApp in front of them.

If Mr. Shah  was in the time of kings and emperors I’m sure kings would have hired him to write pick lines for their queens! He hasn’t left any women (either married or single), well wait, and let me complete this sentence. He hasn’t spared anyone from his praising. He can make you great, famous, wonderful, amazing all at once.

He is an amazing self-marketer. He has used all his MBA marketing skills to self-market himself. If you see his WhatsApp forwards, Facebook posts, twitter handles, mails and messages it’s all about one thing.  Mr. Shah himself. It’s like of the Mr. Shah , by the  Mr. Shah  and for the  Mr. Shah . We dearly call it as Shahcracy. Indeed, he can buy a precooked MTR food and just re heat it and serve it has ‘Mr. Shah’s signatory delicacies’!

When the dietician told Mr. Shah that – obesity runs in your circle because no one runs in your circle,  Mr. Shah  started running. Nowadays he doesn’t stop. Once he became Mr. Shah lean from Mr. Shah bean, he changed his WhatsApp status from – ‘I am not fat, my weight is just cute’ to – ‘I am too sexy and I know it’. Once he shed few kgs, he started uploading his full frame pictures. He called it as Mr. Shah Empowerment from the background to foreground. Indeed, Kellogg’s should have Mr. Shah as their model for weigh loss than to have Deepika. He just transformed from Motorola to iPhone slim and sleek version.

He has a unique talent of making his friends – glad, mad, sad, bad all at once. Never laugh at your spouse’s choices because you’re one of them. Well, I would say the same thing about friends! Never laugh at your friends, because you are one of their choices. Nevertheless, he is a great friend, who you can count anytime. His determination, dedication and wisdom is praiseworthy, especially the determination he has showed in executing his fitness regime.  One of the proud friends I have who was aspiring to be roasted by me!

In the court of 'Datings' !

I titled this as, dating a lawyer. I refrained. Lawyers have bad name. 99% of the lawyers give the rest a bad name. After Salman and Amma, I am scared to call myself a lawyer. A friend asked – what do you do if you see a lawyer drowning? Save. No, just dump all the other lawyers to the same pond. Bangalore is filled with so many engineers that, if you ever introduce yourself as a lawyer- they will stare at you like you are the 11^th wonder of the world.

Dear toastmasters and guests – Good afternoon. How many of you have a wife/husband? How many of you have a boyfriend/ girlfriend? Kishore, did you raise your hand for both? 

Lawyer’s fun starts from law school. Once we were on a court visit as part of our curriculum. Court designates places for everyone- judge, lawyers, criminals etc. We all barged in to a court wherein a rape proceeding was going on. We sat wherever we could. Suddenly, my friend gets up from his seat and drags us out of the court, screaming – blunder, big blunder. What? You know that place in the court, that’s for the criminals to sit. I sat there and asked the person sitting next to me – who is the rapist? He says –it’s me. Lawyers are tough people, so dating them would require – Non-disclosure Agreement, relationship Agreement, terms and conditions, waivers etc.

In spite of that, my friends are always after fixing a date for me. So, once I met this man. Man is important here. His name was Samayamantri Venkata Raghava Naga Sai Shankara Subrahmanya Lakshmi Krishna Vivek. I expected a South Indian in formal wear going by the name. For my utter shock – he comes in shorts with sleeveless shirt as if he was giving Rupa Frontline ad, body covered with tattoos, and eyes pierced, eyebrows pierced, tongue pierced with a hat on his head and cat in his hand. I almost looked around in the coffee shop I was sitting – with the hope that no one comes to us to show some magic. You guessed what happened post that. Well right, another date. This time, no lengthy names. Soberly dressed up techie. Conversation begins. How, where, when, what for 10 minutes. Rest 2.45 minutes of our conversation was about– How Mercedes Benz makes the car. Apparently he was working with Mercedes Benz, step by step, level by level. Last 5 minutes he takes to say – it was nice meeting you and talking to you, can I drop you home. I politely said no. He was like – no, I can show you my new BMW. Well, I was not really up for another 2.45 hours of making BMW.

Once, I was flying from Hyderabad to Bangalore. A lady next to me started random conversation. She introduced herself as – IAS officer, working at Vidhana Soudha, in the Revenue Dept. She started about her family, that I could draw a genealogy tree for her. Finally we got out of the airport. She offers to drop me home. I suspected a little. I couldn’t say no. On our way- she gives me a chocolate packet and says – I am thrilled to meet you – Thrilled? I looked at myself – do I look like a guy? Then she takes out a book from her bag – and says – this is for my memory. I told myself - all is well. When I was about to get down, near my home she is like – where is my hug? I baffled. No, I mean – no, I got down and rushed to home before she sends flying kisses. As soon as I entered home, a message from her – honey, lovely meeting honey! Here is my family picture. Lol…..this was really unexpected. Next message – sweetie – can you send your picture. It was weird.

I stopped responding to her. I get the final mail from her end – stating – sweetheart, I really liked you. I don’t know why you stopped responding to my call or messages. I am heartbroken. As puzzled as I am read further- it ended with - we are searching a girl for my brother. Well, next chapter is pretty secret.

I can go on and on about these fiascos. But, these small incidents make my life eventful, cheerful and wonderful. They do give me topics for humorous speeches. 

ಹಾರ ಹೊರಟಿಹ ಪ್ರಾಣ ಪಕ್ಷಿಯ ನೋಡಿಲ್ಲಿ

ಹಾರ ಹೊರಟಿಹ ಪ್ರಾಣ ಪಕ್ಷಿಯ ನೋಡಿಲ್ಲಿ




ರವಿ ಮುಳುಗುತಿರೆ ದೂರ ದಿಗಂತದಲಿ
ತಂಗಾಳಿ ತಬ್ಬಿ ಆವರಿಸುತಿರೆ ಮುಸ್ಸಂಜೆಯ ಮಬ್ಬಿನಲಿ
ಇಗೋ ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಎಲ್ಲವನ್ನೂ ಎಲ್ಲರನ್ನೂ ದೂರವಿಟ್ಟು
ಮನಸೇಚ್ಚೆ ಬಾಳಾಸೆಯನೇ ಒತ್ತೆಯಿಟ್ಟು
ದಿಕ್ಕು ದೆಸೆಯನರಿಯದೆಸಾಗುತಿಹ ಪರಿ
ಮೂಲೆ ಮಾಂಸ ತಡಿಕೆ ಬಂದನವ ಮೀರಿ
ಹಾರ ಹೊರಟಿಹ ಪ್ರಾಣ ಪಕ್ಷಿಯ ನೋಡಿಲ್ಲಿ

ಹೊತ್ತು ತಂದ ಕನಸ ಕಂತೆ
ನನಸಾಗಿಸ ಹೋಗಿ ಎಡವಿ ಬಿದ್ದಂತೆ
ಮೇಲೇಳೆಲೆಸದ ಛಲರಹಿತ ಮನ
ಬಗೆಗಣ್ಣು ಕಂಡ ಚಿತ್ರ ವಿಚಿತ್ರ ಜನ
ನಡುವೆ ಉಸಿರುಗಟ್ಟಿಪ ವಾತಾವರಣ
ಪ್ರಾಣವಾಯುವನರಸುತ ಉಸಿರಾಡಲೆಂದೇ ಈ ಕ್ಷಣ
ಹಾರ ಹೊರಟಿಹ ಪ್ರಾಣ ಪಕ್ಷಿಯ ನೋಡಿಲ್ಲಿ

ಕರಾಳ ಛಾಯೆಯ ಭೂತದ ವಿಷಾದ
ದುಃಖ ನಿರಾಶಾಭರಿತ ವರ್ತಮಾನದ ಕ್ರೋಧ
ಕಾತರ ಕಳವಳವಿಲ್ಲದ ಭವಿತವ್ಯವ ಕಾಣಲಿಲ್ಲಿ
ಸಿಕ್ಕಿ ಸಿಲುಕಿ ನಲುಗುತ್ತಾ (ಅ) ವ್ಯವಸ್ತೆಯ ಕೆನ್ನಾಲಿಗೆಯಲ್ಲಿ
ಬಿಟ್ಟರೂ ಬಿಡದಿಹ ಈ ಮಾಯೆಯ ಕುಹರ
ದಾಟಿ ಸಾಗುವಾಸೆ ಇದರಿಂದ ಬಹು ದೂರ ದೂರ
ಹಾರ ಹೊರಟಿಹ ಪ್ರಾಣ ಪಕ್ಷಿಯ ನೋಡಿಲ್ಲಿ

ಭುವಿಯ ಭವ ಜಂಜಾಟದಿ ಬೆಂದು
ತನು ತೆಕ್ಕೆಯ ತೋಳಲಾಟದಿ ನೊಂದು
ಬದುಕ ಬಾಳದೆ ವಿಮುಖವಾಗಿ
ಕಾಯದೆ ಅಭೀಷ್ಟಗಳ ಸಾಕಾರಕ್ಕಾಗಿ
ಬಿಡದೆ ಸುಡುತಿಹ ಒಡಲ ತಾಪಕ್ಕೆದರಿ
ಕಂಡು ಜಗದ ಗಾಣದುರುಳಿನ ಬವಣೆಯ ಪರಿ
ಹಾರ ಹೊರಟಿಹ ಪ್ರಾಣ ಪಕ್ಷಿಯ ನೋಡಿಲ್ಲಿ

ಅತೃಪ್ತಿ ಅಶಾಂತಿ ಹೆಪ್ಪುಗಟ್ಟಿ ಮಂಜಾದ ಮನ
ದ್ವೇಷ ದಳ್ಳುರಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಬೆಂದು ಹೋದ ಕ್ಷಣ
ಸೇಡಿನ ಜ್ವಾಲೆಯಲಿ ಸುತ್ತ ರೆಕ್ಕೆ ಪುಕ್ಕ
ಲಾವಾರಸ ಉಕ್ಕುತಿಹ ಹೃದಯದೊಳಗಿನ ದುಃಖ
ಹೊರ ಕಕ್ಕಲಾರದೆ ಹಿತವಿಲ್ಲದವರ ನಡುವೆ
ಬಳಿಗಿಂತ ಸಾವಿನುಡಿಯೇ ವಿಹಿತಾವೇನೆ
ಹಾರ ಹೊರಟಿಹ ಪ್ರಾಣ ಪಕ್ಷಿಯ ನೋಡಿಲ್ಲಿ

ಅಂಕು ಡೊಂಕು ದಾರಿಯನಿಚ್ಚಿಸದೆ
ನೇರದಾರಿಗೆ ಮೆಚ್ಚಿ ಸ್ವಚ್ಚನ್ದದೆ
ಹೊರಟಿದೆ ಚಿಂತೆಗೆಲ್ಲಾ ಚಿತೆಯನಿಟ್ಟು
ಭಯ ಬೇನೆ ಬೇಸರಕೆ ಕೊನೆಯ ಕೊಟ್ಟು
ಹಗಲಿರುಳೆನ್ನದ ದೂರದ ದಾರಿಯತ್ತ
ಹೊಸತಾನಕೆ ಕಿವುಡಾಗಿ ಕುರುಡಾಗಿ ಮೂಕವಾಗುತ್ತಾ
ಹಾರ ಹೊರಟಿಹ ಪ್ರಾಣ ಪಕ್ಷಿಯ ನೋಡಿಲ್ಲಿ

Win Win Negotiation

From a layman to Brexit leaders, everyone indulge in negotiation of one kind or another. Whatever is the form of profession, business one may engage in, negotiation is an essential skill to have to prosper in that given field. Country heads to party leaders, professionals to service expertise, academicians to students, investors to customers, lawyers to doctors, everyone has to negotiate in one or the other aspects of their personal or professional life.

What’s negotiation? Negotiation is generally defined as – mutual discussion by the parties having certain interest in the issues to resolve the differences and come to an agreement. Negotiation is identified as a method to settle the differences by many corporates in the present world. Negotiation is a self-developed trait than an inherent skill.

Forms: There are certain forms of negotiation too. Various methodologies are used in different forms of issues that may involve corporate disputes, legal transactions, international disputes, union-employer issues, domestic conflicts, etc.  Negotiations are not always easy. It’s an art and that requires certain pre-requisites. The good news is, one can acquire these skills and can excel in the same. There are certain key elements that make a negotiation useful, solution oriented and a win-win for the parties involved in it. 

1. Excellent Preparation: Win-win negotiation begins with an excellent preparation, reasonable bargaining and resolution oriented agreement. Satisfying the needs of various parties involved is another key to a win-win negotiation. Negotiation can’t always be one-sided. If it is, then, in the long term, it may boomerang the negotiator. It has to yield mutual benefits. Negotiation will generally happen, when both the parties have something to offer and something to negotiate. If it’s one side leaning, then it may not result in positive outcome. Ultimately, negotiation should ensure a stronger bonding between the parties than a diluted relationship status leading to bitterness. A good preparation will focus on these aspects while sitting for a negotiation.

2. Focused approach: A win-win negotiation cannot be like social media debate. It should more focus upon resolution than winning the argument or making one’s point prevail. Identification of the key – conflicting areas is the prime requirement for a negotiation. When the issues are identified, you can discuss through your way out for the resolution. A final agreement to implement the points accepted by the parties involved is necessary for a good negotiation to conclude.

3. Need and Necessity: While deciding to negotiate, the initial analysis of the need and necessity of a negotiation is mandatory. Analyzing the given situation, the points that are in one’s favor, the pros and cons, the possible outcome, the points/clauses that can be compromised or changed based on negotiation. Having a prior list of all these elements will come in handy while negotiating. In addition to these the past negotiations or the future dealings and transactions, a fair amount of awareness of these aspects will add on to one’s negotiation skillset.

4. Logic and Emotions: Logic and emotions play a significant role in a win-win negotiation. If the logic/reasoning takes the back seat and the emotions take the driver seat, then it may prove harmful to a good negotiation. The negotiator has to balance out between one’s own impulse to win and finding a resolution. In a situation wherein the parties are not willing to take a step or failing to make an attempt to come half way, it’s essential to sense the situation and take a control of the situation. At times, the digression would waste the time and energy of the parties involved. So, it’s vital that parties are concentrated on the resolution and issues to be discussed upon.

5. Give and Take: There will always be ‘give’ and ‘take’ in a negotiation. If these were absent, then the negotiation wouldn’t occur in the first place. It’s for a party to ascertain these areas, wherein they can really step forward or take a step back and be firm. One has to be flexible and open to the suggestions made by the other party and evaluate its advantages and disadvantages before agreeing on to the same. If it’s taking time, then the parties should decide to take some time and revert later on those ‘identified’ issues.

6. Alternative Plan: A negation need not always be win-win. Hence prepare to fail too. A negotiation may not always have a positive outcome for the parties. Therefore, one must have an alternative arrangement / another solution, if the negotiation didn’t go as per the initial speculation.

7. After Negotiation: Parties, once mutually agreed on the points of consensus, shall jot down the course of action for implementation of the agreed issues. This would ease the further process and procedure for the parties. This would also help the parties to identify their path forward. 

Summary: Good negotiation will have the following components: 

·         An adequate preparation;

·         Identification of the issues involved;

·         Open and positive discussion;

·         Flexibility to the suggestions;

·         ‘Give’ and ‘Take’;

·         Clarity of points, clauses that can be compromised;

·         win-win approach for both the parties;

·         Desire for resolution;

·         Balanced approach between logic/reasoning and emotions;

·         Mutual agreement;

·         Alternatives/Plan B

·         Implementation Plan

Smart Note, a miraculous demonetization gift :P

Smart Note

When the world is worried about burning Samsung notes, I am talking about a different note. My father is in ICICI, mother in Axis, brother in SBI and husband in Corporation. Sorry we aren’t a bank family; just all are standing in ATM queues. Last Sunday, I was also in need of some money but my short height couldn’t wade through the queue so I decided to visit the ATM in the midnight. I quietly go and enter the ATM and flash my debit card, ATM says – no money honey! I was in despair and about to return, suddenly ATM makes ‘’tud tud tud’ noise. Alas a new note. It slowly says – ‘hey suchi, just for you. It comes running in shah rukh khan style and stands in my palm’ 

The note gives its ice breaker speech. (It smirks and says, I know you are a toastmaster). I am smart note. One solution to all our problems. To counter poverty, terrorist financing, heavy shopping, fake notes, black money! The moment you start evading tax or file wrong returns/medical bills, I will turn automatically black in your wallet. I was in awe of this. Suddenly it winks and closes my mouth.

You know, North Korea already introduced this note. If the notes in your wallet starts vanishing I will tell, ‘aukat mein raho- stay within your limits’. The moment your spouse or children start asking you money, I will go and hide and text you- ‘sorry bro, I am not reachable’. This note has all the features. During your appraisals, the note will send an auto alert to your boss, ‘please have mercy on this fellow’. The moment you jump the signal lights, it will jump out of your wallet and go and sit in police man’s wallet. If ever you go to any government office to get done your work, it will suddenly sit on the table in front of the babus.

I wanted to check further, went to UB city and was glancing through the Louis Vuitton bag, suddenly my note says – ‘remember, you are a corporate coolie, not the CEO and toink, it gets inside my wallet.

One good thing I liked about this note is – it sends me a daily reminder of people who has to pay me money. I remember all my best friends’ every day.

It’s highly – husband friendly. It also sends a reminder to my husband if he misses to send me good morning, good afternoon and good evening messages. It totally believes in being human.  Today while I sat in my car to drive till here, it handed over my driving license and tells me, here is your license to kill the dwellers, Mrs. Bond! How diligent. It also sent a text as soon as reached, ‘Mrs. Bond, while returning, I can be your driver too.

Yesterday night I was about to sleep, and my note starts singing for me- You and I in this beautiful world and morning sends a text- you’re beautiful Suchi, whenever you go I follow, I am your hutch dog. This note and I have a love bond, so, if you ever try to steal this note, the man in the note will come and slap you, one phataak!